The last time I wrote a blog was December 2024. I think I still liked Corbyn then. That was before he talked more about the plight of potatoes than trans people and filled his new party with Landlords and bigots.
I’m not really here to talk about politics. I’m quite definitely a non-binary man now, not sure I really knew that back then.
The irony is the last time posted a blog was not long before the events I’m going to obliquely refer to now. 2025 was supposed to be the year I got fit and became if not fully vegan then lactose and caffeine free with a heavy emphasis of vegetarianism. Instead events overtook me.
On Bluesky I’ve been referring to these events as The Comedy C Plot because they always feel like the comedy c plot the Ferengi have on Deep Space Nine while the A plot is concerned with some imminent danger and the B plot is concerned with galactic politics or the Dominion War.
I am exhausted. 2025 and the Comedy C Plot was so mentally and physically draining that my diet fell by the wayside and I started hard on the diet coke and even drinking alcohol. Ostensibly I was trying to find an alternative to Jack Daniels after they abandoned DEI. Practically I was drinking a hell of a lot more than I used to. Oh and I realised I probably have undiagnosed ADHD in addition to my autism.
Then Christmass hit and my brain basically broke. I had full on panic attacks and my appetite went to shit because I was crying so much my nose and throat were full of phlegm. There were instigating incidents but it was more like glancing blows online striking fault lines holding back lava in a volcano. Suddenly all this trauma and stress erupted to the surface and came pouring out.
Then the Comedy C Plot came to the end in late February and became what I refer to as the Comedy C Plot 2. A distinct other thing but with may of the same elements as the first. I joined a gym, I’ve been going once a week every week, I lost 20 kilos partly from depression induced loss of appetite but also because my stomach has now shrunk. I can’t eat as much as I used to in a single sitting or night and I don’t want to. I’ve been walking again. I’m different from how I have been for a decade.
I still cry because of anxiety and the dread that I have wasted my life is there but I’m getting better.
Don’t get me wrong I know I’m still a stupid Ferengi worrying about his C plot while war and fascism rages in the A and B plots. Dystopia abounds and I fear for my friends, the losses of Michael Keating and Anthony Head recently hit me hard as well.
They’re making period romances set in the 90s now. I turn 34 this year. What have I done? I’ve survived. I’ve read a lot of Star Trek. I’ve written weird stories nobody has read. I’ve gotten my mods working in Fallout 4 and Skyrim. I’ve been diagnosed with high blood pressure and currently take 7 pills a day to survive, 9 if you count that I’m still using up my old 20 and 10 mg citalopram tablets instead of jumping to the new 40s. 12 tablets if you count, the omega 3, multivitamins and vitamin d I take daily. And I have to take testosterone injections just to remain a healthy man.
I’m still breathing though. I’m still alive and while I may be living through the Comedy C Plot 2 and I may still be changing from the stresses strains and what have you of it I am still here and I am someone different now, someone stronger, fitter but still not ginger.
