So I got Instagram and it’s cool. I follow pretty people and I’ve made friends there. It’s nice. I am a seasoned veteran of the evils of social media at this point so I don’t experience the depression that others do but when there exists a site that asks you to take photos of your food, and your friends want to see photos of your food it forces you to have a photographic record of what you are consuming and really see what is happening.
I have never been thin and I have had people call me on my diet my whole life, I have to shrug it off. It is hard to ignore though that my diet has been getting worse and I have been eating more and fattier food. Bollocks to how much I weigh. Bollocks to my BMI. I can see before my eyes that my diet has gotten worse. Cheese toasties have become buttered cheese toasties, have become buttered cheese toasties with peanut butter sandwiches to soak it up.
What’s more is I’m not going out. My infamous walks haven’t happened for nearly 4 months now. I am getting fractious.
On top of that my sleep is worse than usual because I have had a run of 4 bad months in terms of money. When money is tight I have to prioritise diet coke because I need that to function during the day (if you think I should quit tell someone who likes coffee to quit) thus come the time when I should be switching over to something non-caffeinated I can’t so the sleep is worse and worse.
Why has this happened? Because an extravert I know is in the middle of their own problems and when they have problems I have problems. I hate talking, just being in the same room as someone is draining, they have to talk. If no one is around they will talk to themselves. Especially when stressed or anxious. As they have been these last four months. There has been all kinds of nonsense because they are impulsive and anxious and need to be reminded of boundaries and privacy and it has been so very very draining.
Add to that illness from bugs in January and February, the perils of buying shoes on Amazon in march and my TV dying in April and it has been one blasted thing after another, leaving me broke month after month, my patience wearing thinner and thinner. Something has to give. So I gave up the walking. I couldn’t afford the energy expense. So my diet increased, my self loathing and self destructive tendencies coming out in a desire for comfort food on poverty budget. (If you think cheese is luxury food get your head examined)
Now stuff that I can’t tell you about is happenning. Stuff that looks set to destroy my energy even further.
Thank fuck for letsplays, pokemon games and diet coke.
I have never been thin and I have had people call me on my diet my whole life, I have to shrug it off. It is hard to ignore though that my diet has been getting worse and I have been eating more and fattier food. Bollocks to how much I weigh. Bollocks to my BMI. I can see before my eyes that my diet has gotten worse. Cheese toasties have become buttered cheese toasties, have become buttered cheese toasties with peanut butter sandwiches to soak it up.
What’s more is I’m not going out. My infamous walks haven’t happened for nearly 4 months now. I am getting fractious.
On top of that my sleep is worse than usual because I have had a run of 4 bad months in terms of money. When money is tight I have to prioritise diet coke because I need that to function during the day (if you think I should quit tell someone who likes coffee to quit) thus come the time when I should be switching over to something non-caffeinated I can’t so the sleep is worse and worse.
Why has this happened? Because an extravert I know is in the middle of their own problems and when they have problems I have problems. I hate talking, just being in the same room as someone is draining, they have to talk. If no one is around they will talk to themselves. Especially when stressed or anxious. As they have been these last four months. There has been all kinds of nonsense because they are impulsive and anxious and need to be reminded of boundaries and privacy and it has been so very very draining.
Add to that illness from bugs in January and February, the perils of buying shoes on Amazon in march and my TV dying in April and it has been one blasted thing after another, leaving me broke month after month, my patience wearing thinner and thinner. Something has to give. So I gave up the walking. I couldn’t afford the energy expense. So my diet increased, my self loathing and self destructive tendencies coming out in a desire for comfort food on poverty budget. (If you think cheese is luxury food get your head examined)
Now stuff that I can’t tell you about is happenning. Stuff that looks set to destroy my energy even further.
Thank fuck for letsplays, pokemon games and diet coke.
